Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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