Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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