were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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