she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize