never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize