I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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