I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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