i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize