My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize