Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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