did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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