is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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