dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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