i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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