sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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