I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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