When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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