Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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