My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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