I'm eating all of the evidence.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize