Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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