There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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