Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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