I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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