Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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