Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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