Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize