Your mouth is God's brothel.
I cannot find my penis.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize