thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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