dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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