I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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