god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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