Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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