his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize