we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
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some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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