i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize