just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
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I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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