if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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