Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize