just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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