I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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