We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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