Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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