Apparently you make a good broom.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize