I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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