I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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