Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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