We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize