Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize