I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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